Favorite Texts Reveal Your Attachment Style – Psychologists Would Have A Field Day With Mine | Lauren O’Neill

WWhen I discover or remember a song I particularly like, I’m one of those people who will listen to it over and over and over. The song will be playing when I’m working out, when I’m running errands, when I’m putting things in my online shopping cart to mimic the rush of actually buying them. It becomes omnipresent in my life for a few days until another replaces it.

One such recent choice was Babies by Pulp. This is a song whose chorus hook is “I wanna take you home / I wanna give you babies,” but whose narrator also hides in a closet at one point to watch his girlfriend’s sister have sex with a guy named David from the local garage. I’ve been playing it to death lately, so it seems the researchers at the University of Toronto’s psychology department would have a field day with me.

The study involved asking 570 people about their favorite songs, the lyrics of which were then analyzed by psychologists. Participants were then asked a series of questions about their relationship history. An analysis of more than 7,000 songs revealed that people tended to like lyrics that related to their bonding style in intimate relationships.

Attachment style comes from a psychological theory put forward by John Bowlby. Known in many parenting guides, it suggests that bonds formed in early childhood influence other relationships in our lives—and that as a result, people have predictable patterns when it comes to managing intimacy and relationships.

For example, those with a “secure” attachment style are comfortable getting close to others and don’t tend to experience doubts outside of what is normal, while those categorized on the “anxious” end of the spectrum tend to be the more insecure type to trigger every text message from a WhatsApp group and call each other “so Carrie” while laughing a little too loudly. There is also an “avoidant” style that suggests nervousness around interpersonal intimacy.

According to a University of Toronto study, those who exhibited secure attachment styles (no need to brag, guys) preferred songs that depicted secure attachment in their lyrics, such as John Legend’s All of Me (“all I love you all”). , Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud (“And baby, I’ll love you till we’re 70”), and others that people always choose as the first dance at their weddings before getting into a heated argument. free bar result.

The “anxious” among the subjects, on the other hand, went for songs like Someone Like You by Adele, while the “avoidants” chose TLC’s No Scrubs and Beyoncé’s Irreplaceable. For these contributors and others like them, the study’s lead author, Dr Ravin Alaei, had a word of caution: “As an anxious person, you should realize that you are vulnerable to negative feedback and your emotions snowball,” he said. . “Music can make it very bad. Tell that to the punishment gluttons among us who listened to Mitski’s Nobody (“Oh My God, I’m So Lonely”) every week for at least four years.

Of course, we all tend to listen to and identify best with music we relate to (another of my played favorites is Irish musician CMAT’s Every Bottle (Is My Boyfriend); no comment) – although a pinch of salt is probably called for: any person who finds themselves taken by a bit of Rihanna’s infidelity (“I know she knows I’m unfaithful and it’s killing him inside”) isn’t realistically a raging charlatan, she just loves emotional wounds. can air-catch to. What about me and the babies? Again no comment.

Either way, it’s probably best to hold off on telling your next Hinge match that you were actually in the Human League’s Don’t You Want Me, for example? recently. Thank me when you have a second date.